I am really appreciating your second comment here. I have already been through all of this and out the other side, the better feeling side, so I kind of have forgotten what it really feels like to be … seeking.

Of course I still seek with certain issues but I have discovered in the last several years that I CAN get myself to feel better. That my feelings CAN BE independent of things I can’t control, like other people’s actions.

So, I forget how this feels sometimes and I am loving your reminder. I definitely want to discuss this more as I think it’s pretty important.

I want to talk about your comment about the differenct between discipline and abuse.

I wasn’t able to define this either because to me, I have never been able to find a discipline that didn’t feel yucky to me. Of course yelling at someone feels less bad than hitting, and ‘talking to’ feels less bad than yelling, but still, trying to impose my will and my way of thinking upon someone who doesn’t want to hear it always feels bad to me.

In my house, with my child, there is no ‘discipline’. None. There are no punishments and no rewards. We don’t do that.

What we do do is put the most important emphasis on our relationships and in empowering and supporting each other.

The book, Parent Effectiveness Training talks about this. They call it Method III, the no-lose method.

Because of who my son is (very independent and strong-willed and self-directed) I’ve had to let go of a lot of my notions about kids. My son is unschooled, which means he is homeschooled without a curriculum. We focus on his interests and I trust he will learn everything he needs to know as long as we live interesting and interested lives of freedom and joy and I facilitate his learning as a supportive, caring adult.

But anyway, I do have more suggestions and thoughts. I still reccomend the waking the tiger book highly,

http://www.releasefibromyalgia.com/go/wakingtiger.php

especially for you. I had some major healing breakthroughs after reading it. I also recommend anything by Byron Katie

http://www.releasefibromyalgia.com/go/byronkatie.php

or maybe the astonishing power of your emotions by esther hicks.

These are all books that I have read that have helped me with my mental states and with healing fibro.

Lisa

The one man sexually abused my from age 3-6 or thereabouts. I was raped twice and my father was emotionally abusive and I think physically. I have not been able to define the difference between abuse and discipline.

I also go to AA which is helpful when I use it. But it is interesting how a previous sponsor of mine used to help me handle feelings of anger in the way you just suggested. Really breaking it down and understanding where the rage is coming from and what feelings I am really feeling.

I think I might take what you wrote and even make the solution in large and bold type and pin it to my wall.

I can see where I can be useful to other people who have been abused, but first I need to heal more myself.

Sometimes I think I can never be in a close relationship because of my fears of who I am. I had to break off a relationship just recently because of my panic attacks. He did not understand and I didn’t either.

I really appreciate what you said. It gives me hope that I can heal. If it is mental, I can heal with mental help. If it is physiological, I can heal by changing my body.

Any more suggestions or thoughts would be helpful.