WHY Do I Have Fibromyalgia? How Did I Get Fibromyalgia?
Summary: There is no definitive answer to this question, but this article discusses if my sense of how much value I felt I had as a human being had anything to do with me getting fibro. If you don’t want to read about that, head over to my article about the truth about fibromyalgia for more of a sense of what I believe are the physical changes that cause fibro to manifest in our bodies. It’s got more meat and less philosophy.
Otherwise, stick around and let’s wrap our brains around whether or not I got fibromyalgia because I believed people who “told” me that I was an unworthy human being.
So, millions of people have fibromyalgia. And how did they get it? Why did they get it? ( I had it, but I don’t have it anymore – that’s why I think I have some reason and authority to write about it).
I’m not a doctor or nurse or even in the health profession at all. But even so, I’m pretty sure that mainstream medicine does not have an answer for this question.
I’m fairly certain that most doctors would say “no one knows” when asked what causes fibromyalgia, or “why did I get fibromyalgia?”
Dr. St Amand says that fibro is caused by the person with fibromyalgia missing an enzyme in their body that allows them to excrete phosphates. I believed that when I read the book years ago. Now I think it is a flawed theory, although I still believe strongly in guaifenesin for fibro.
Dr. Lamb says that fibromyalgia pain is caused by muscle and tendon shortening all over their bodies. and by the living of life (which can cause the shortening when the life is stressful). I believe strongly in both these answers. They proved true in my experience.
Just as an aside, I have talked with one person who had been a patient of Dr. St. Amand at one time and two people who were Dr. Lamb’s patients at one point. All three still had fibromyalgia issues and were coming to me for further help. Which surprised me. I personally would have thought that if anyone could fix fibro, these two could.
Maybe these doctors really are missing that one critical factor though, which we are going to talk about here.
How do I feel about me?
I’m reading a book called Little Voice Mastery right now by Blair Singer. I’m reading it because I am trying to increase my wealth right now, and this guy writes books with Robert Kiyosaki (rich dad / poor dad).
Now that I have the book though, it’s more of a “How to Win at Life” book. On page 14 he says
If you don’t have people on your team, it’s because you don’t acknowledge and value other people enought. If your health isn’t good, it’s because you don’t value yourself enough. If you don’t have enough money in your life, it’s because you have lost your ability to determine value and you’re being cheap someplace else in your life. If you’re going to be cheap on yourself, other people are going to be cheap with you. You act as a magnet, attracting the same things to you that you’re putting out there.
Let’s pull out this sentence
If your health isn’t good, it’s because you don’t value yourself enough.
5 years ago I would have glossed right over that line. 10 years ago I would have laughed at it. Today, I totally and utterly believe it. Based on my own experience.
So what is that line saying? Is it saying that Fibromyalgia was all in my head?! NOOOOOOO!
Is it saying that I created my fibromyalgia? hmmm, not really. Although these days I believe I did, in a way.
More specifically, I believe that people close to me when I was very young treated me so poorly that I developed beliefs about myself that were very counter to the truth. (keep reading to find out exactly how these beliefs caused me to act that gave me fibro)
these were beliefs that I believe formed when I was very young. And they were reinforced daily until I was about 17.
As an older child and an adult I didn’t realize that I believed this about myself. I would not have said something like this or admitted to believing this about myself if asked.
But today, at 39 years old, I recognize that I have believed these things about myself most of my life. About 3 to 4 years ago I started to recognize that I felt this way about myself and I started to actively work to change it.
8 years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. The first 4 years or so I did all physical work on myself – I stretched and did yoga and tried supplements and dietary changes and guaifenesin.
The last 4 years of my recovery (I considered myself cured at about 5.5 to 6 years after my diagnoses, but I still work on improving my health and the way my body feels every day) I have worked much more on improving my mental state of being than on the physical aspect of my healing, although I still believe both are important.
So 3 to 4 years ago I started realizing these things about myself: I don’t believe I am a good person. I don’t believe I am worth much.
that was hard to realize, and harder to figure out how to fix. I can say “I am a good person because I did this or because I believe this” but changing the actual way that I FEEL about myself isn’t phased by me making a statement.
the way I FEEL about myself is kind of hidden. It’s wrapped up behind layers and layers of thoughts and beliefs and connections and assumptions.
People are complex. Society is complex. Our relationships are complex. Our thoughts and emotions and complex and probably mostly hidden from us on a day to day basis unless we really contemplate them.
At about year 3 of my recovery I read a book called Feeling Good by David Burns. It’s not really a book that I recommend because it didn’t quite work for me and I didn’t read all of it, but there was one HUGE concept that I learned from it.
the concept that I have a little voice inside my head that is talking to me but is not necessarily telling me the truth about life and everything
Until i read that concept I didn’t even REALIZE that I was having conversations in my head. I never recognized them or heard them. The thoughts in my head were so much a part of my identity that I didn’t even realize they were there.
Blair Singer from this newest book I am reading says they are the sum of all the experiences we have ever had that we don’t think about much.
Abraham-Hicks says a belief is just a thought we keep thinking.
I don’t ever remember having a thought in my head that says “I’m not good enough” or “I’m Bad” or “I’m not worthy” but I know what that thought FEELS like.
Those THOUGHTS are still pretty buried in my head but I recognize the FEELINGS they generate when I feel them these days.
I don’t think it’s something that I can explain .. but it’s kind of a sick feeling. An “I should just forget that” feeling. A feeling that I hope people don’t look at me or notice me. A “I want to hide” feeling. None of that explains it. It’s kind of a being held under the water feeling – or looking at everything through a sick haze feeling. How do you explain a feeling or state of being?
I can’t do it. I can only attach words to it. And it probably feels different to everyone so why am I even trying?
So what does any of this have to do with me getting firbomyalgia?
Well, I think it all comes down to anxiety and tension.
Remember when I said that I believe what Dr. Lamb says about muscle and tendon shortening causing fibromaylgia pain?
Well, here’s how I think these beliefs caused this muscle and tendon shortening that caused all my pain.
So, I had many experiences in my life that caused me to ultimately believe these things about myself. Many of them caused me to become a very tense and anxious person.
Many of them caused me to flood my body with stress chemicals over and over again. The stress and tension caused these stress chemicals to become trapped in my fascia and muscles.
Over the years, I became more tense and more anxious. Every time I tried something new or contemplated doing something that I didn’t feel worthy of, or any time I was criticized or any time I failed or any time I compared myself with someone I believed was ‘better’ than me (everyone) I triggered these beliefs.
When I triggered these beliefs I relived the things that caused the beliefs to be implanted in the first place (particularly emotionally charged circumstances from my youth – things like beaten at home and teased at school).
These triggers would being the emotional charge into my present and the stress chemicals would be released and my body would tighten up even more. and on and on.
I am a highly sensitive person anyway and so just about anything could trigger me. there was a point shortly before my diagnosis where I would cry at the drop of a hat – or blow up at the drop of a pin.
These days, with all the work I have done, I am far less likely to trigger these beliefs in my daily life. I actually feel differently about myself too. I still sometimes recognize the feeling but I call myself on it and am sure to try to contradict it.
that’s not the real me thinking I am not worthy of anything. That’s some fake me based on experiences in my past that I didn’t deserve.
Do I blame the people who treated me so poorly? No. (at least I try not to). They have their own demons. Their own beliefs. Their own history. Otherwise why would they have done that?
At least I somehow found my way out of the hell of not liking myself. My mom never did until after she died.
I know for a FACT that the people who treated me this way hated themselves, because when I feel good I treat my son like gold. I laugh with him, I smile at him, I hug him, I do things for him, I compliment him, and I play with him. When I am feeling good about life and about myself, I can’t treat anyone bad. Even myself.
So let’s talk about it. Do you have a comment? Would you like to read my book? Do you agree or disagree with me? I would love to hear from you.
Highly Recommended: 30 Days to Feel Better From Fibromyalgia
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